I’m crying. I mean really crying. I’m a girl and it’s not the “typical” time when you’d expect me to be emotional.
What’s going on…
I just realized how incredibly thankful I am. My tears are of gratitude. It’s been SO long since I’ve felt like that.
I’ve been minding my own business, praying through things that used to frustrate me, praying while I exercise, listening to music that helps my mind stay focused, choosing the thoughts that I allow in my head. I could go on and on about all the things that I’ve been working on lately, but we don’t have that kind of time.
This morning, I woke up, read the verse of the day and immediately started to get distracted. Then I got out of bed, got on the scale, grabbed a cup of coffee, then got back into bed to write a few things down. I left my job about 2 months ago to pursue writing and focus my attention on being the woman, wife and mother that God has called me to be. Since that day, just over 2 months ago, I’ve lost 15lbs and found my WANT TO right in the middle of my do I have to?
It’s been a whirlwind of emotions ever since then. Some days I feel great, others I feel like I’m missing the mark. But something felt different this morning. I felt different this morning.
After I got up and made my daughter and I our typical breakfast smoothies, we laughed through our goodbye hug and she left for school. When the bus came, she texted me (like she normally does) to have a great day but then she added something…
“Go stand outside, the birds sound really cool chirping so much!”
Well I didn’t go outside because I had some devotions to finish, but I did open the windows before sitting on my bed to read my morning devotions.
Afterward, I wrote in the two books that I write in daily. One is a 5-year journal Aubrey gave me close to 3 years ago. The other is a set of books I started when I met my husband 7+ years ago. I’ve written one reason I love him each day since that very first day.
As I wrote this morning, a feeling of thankfulness came over me and I started to cry. I wanted to pray then but all I could do was cry.
God urged me then to come here and write. It has been so long since I’ve had (and followed) that urging. He is so good to me and yet, I still fail to follow His lead, even at the smallest things.
I sat here for a moment and just cried like a baby. My prayers of gratitude were my tears; something I didn’t even know was possible.
Oh how I want to stay right here, right now, in His presence with thanksgiving. So often we walk right past the very thing He’s trying to show us. We don’t listen when He’s calling our name. We go our own way for so long that we begin to think our way IS the way. Then, when we find the way again, things start to become clear.
Fear is pushed aside.
Self-control becomes easy.
Anger isn’t an issue.
Forgiveness comes easily.
Our minds are no longer a way for the devil to control us.
Gratitude is in the forefront and we truly experience things.
I am feeling the release of pressure and the gift of expectation.
The gift of expectation may not sound right but it’s so true.
Psalm 5:3 (NIV) says this:
In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.
The gift of expectation simply means that we are not to be worried about tomorrow. We are IN today and we’re expecting that whatever God brings tomorrow, He’s going to see us through.
Think about it…
Consider it a great gift that God gives us; that we can lay our prayers at His feet and wait patiently with expectancy.
I want you to give it to God today. I mean really give to Him whatever it is that’s burdening you. Then wait expectantly AND with gratitude for however He answers you.